The Next Iron Chef?

When I asked my son, for the four-hundredth fourth time what he wanted for dinner, he replied (for the four-hundredth fourth time), “I have no idea.”

I responded that I didn’t know how to make that and he replied:

“It has air and hot water and ketchup and corn syrup and hamburger.”

Fantastic.

Now all I need to do is find something to cook it in.

What Day Is It Again?

I have a tendency to lose track of time. I will frequently work through lunch because I am just not paying attention to what time it is. I also will occasionally completely forget what day of the week it is and operate as if it is a Tuesday when it is really a Thursday.

I wish that adult life had something like my son’s school and child care program have. He goes to a program called Care After School and they watch him before and after school each day, right there at his school. I drop him at 7:00 or so in the cafeteria, they have a little breakfast snack and hang out and then he goes off to his classroom for the day. After school, he goes back to the cafeteria and has options of crafts or games or just playing outside on the playground until we come pick him up. They have “days” in this program. Waffle day, for example, was yesterday. They had frozen waffles for breakfast. They also have “oatmeal day,” which is a big hit with my son.

Possibly the day he looks forward to the most is “Movie Day.” Movie Day is always on Friday. They will show a movie or DVD of a TV show in the morning while they have their snack and then in the afternoon the show two movies. (One is always a G rated and the other is some movie for kids or tweens that has a higher than G rating. The parents can identify at the beginning of the year if they want their kids to be corrupted by the higher than G rated movies. Of course you can guess where I fall in this scheme). When we take him in on Friday mornings, the cafeteria is always dark, because they have the TV on and movie playing when we get there.

So, this morning when we went in to the school and were walking down the hall, I noticed the cafeteria looked dark. Strange. Why did they have the lights off? Was CAS closed today and I didn’t know? Did something happen and the program director was late? I checked my watch and it was about 7:10 am, so everyone should have been here by now. I was completely confused and a little worried.

Then we turned the corner into the room and the TV was there and running. I became even MORE confused. Movie Day on Thursday? What the eff is going on? Are they intentionally trying to confuse me?? Then it hit me: no school tomorrow. The kids are off tomorrow for a teacher professional day. So Movie Day came a day early. It is their Friday today.

This realization was a comfort. I thought for a moment that I had somehow missed an entire day.

Be Prepared

I have two kids.

One is very outgoing.  My son has never met a stranger and makes friends wherever he goes.  I swear he knows every child that goes to his elementary school and all the staff members as well.  He performed on stage in front of 8000+ people in a giant hockey arena and didn’t blink an eye.  He will either be a movie star or President.  Maybe both.

Future Big Deal

One is not.   My daughter has always been more of the shy and quiet type.  She is blossoming more as she gets older and high school has brought her out of her shell quite a bit, but she is still uncomfortable speaking in public and doing certain things on her own.

My Homebody

So, a few years ago when I started asking my son what sports he wanted to play or activities he wanted to do, I was surprised by the resistance I got from him.  We signed him up for soccer and T-ball and really didn’t ask him, we just took him and he did it.  But as he has gotten a bit older I decided I would let him choose what he wanted to do.  He said he wanted to try wrestling and has been doing that for a couple of years now and does enjoy it, but I can’t get him interested in a single other thing.  Except for singing.  There is no stopping the performer in him.

I asked about baseball and basketball and football and all the sports offered in our district and always got a firm “no” from him.  I asked about Boy Scouts last year and got yet another “no.”  I have a feeling that his reluctance to participate in an activity was based on his love of video games.  He is a gamer for sure and can literally spend an entire day killing off Brutes in Halo.

The Master Chief Kicks Ass

Or finishing one more level in Lego Batman

Just One More Level Mom!

Then.  We went to our local Memorial Day parade this year and he discovered that he knew ALL of the boys marching in the parade from his schools troop (or pack or whatever it is called, I’m still learning).  When it came time this year and I asked about Boy  Scouts, he said yes.  He is now an official scout.  Cub to be exact.  There has been one meeting and it was mostly informational for the parents.  He has his first activity this weekend (something called a Shoot-O-Ree?) and his first meeting with his smaller group (pack? den? no clue.) on Thursday.  He is very excited and couldn’t wait to get his uniform.  He’s reading his handbook and memorizing his motto (“Do Your Best”) and oath (stuff about God and Country) and what not.

But, every time I even think the words “Boy Scouts” in my brain I immediately go to their motto, which is “Be Prepared” and this takes me to this:

Which is ridiculous and hysterical but possibly one of my favorite animated movie moments ever.  Because you know, you can never be too prepared.

Stab This Stabber

"Back off man .... I'm stabby as hell."

I’m very stabby today.  In fact, I’ve been pretty stabby the last few days.  I’m not exactly sure why.  My lack of awareness makes my husband crazy.  All he knows is that I’ve been a raging bitch and he is powerless to fix it.  All I know is that I am in a constant state of extreme tiredness and that is not helping my never-ending bad mood.

In an effort to blame identify why I’ve been so grouchy lately,  here is a list (in no particular order) of things that could possibly be causing my bad mood:

1. My Kid’s Total Lack of Motivation:  My two kids (aged 15 and have been home together all summer.  I have spend much of my energy this summer trying to convince them that these things are important:   eating off of clean dishes, not leaving dirty food containers lying about your bedroom, taking showers.  All of that energy has been wasted, as the summer is over and they didn’t learn a damn thing.  This angers me because they are home all day lying around being kids and I come home from work to a sink-full of dishes, piles of laundry and rouge glasses and paper plates strewn about the house.  It also angers me becuase I know that if I applied a little more discipline they would be much better at helping out around the house, but I don’t so it is just as much my fault as theirs.  Hence the extra stabbiness.
2. Insanity at Work:  Let’s just say that I work in a place just like everyone else on the planet.  We have awesome people who go above and beyond every day, people who just come in and work and go home and people who don’t do a damn thing but sit around and bitch about how much work they have to do, all the time doing no work.   I realize that this is every single workplace in the country, but still, makes me stabby.
3. A House That Would Qualify For The New Show “Hoarders”:  We have a lot of crap in our house.  We have enough clothes to dress 14 families for about two years.  What we don’t have is enough places to put said clothes.  Therefore, I have bins and bags and piles of clothes all over my house.  The collective amount of motivation within my family unit to do something about this is about negative four hundred and fifty eight.  So there they sit.  Driving me crazy and making me stabby.
4. My Fat Ass:  I told myself that after my surgery I was going to go back to the gym and start exercising regularly and eating better and just getting into better shape in general.  None of that has happened.   Stabby.
5. Sleepy.  Always With The Sleepy:  I cannot seem to ever get enough sleep.  And when I do sleep, apparently it is not “good” sleep because I still wake up tired.  Maybe it has nothing to do with sleep but the fact that I am not physically active enough?  Personally I think it is that last thing, and because I can’t motivate myself to be active, I feel like I’m causing my own endless sleep issues.  Do you see a pattern here?

Basically, many of my reasons for stabbiness come right back to me.  This is probably the biggest reason I am so grumpy.  It’s hard to be in a good mood when you are always pissed off at yourself.  My husband has suggested going back to the doctor to get some meds to make me happy again.  I think it is more than that and would like to think I can fix it myself.  Maybe it is high time I listen to the oh-so-wise Heather and Danny and just carry my stabby ass to the doctor already.  Maybe I just need to get off my ass and fix it already.  Maybe I need to eat another bag of potato chips and keep watching The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  I’m not sure what I need to do, but certainly there is something that can help get me out of this stabby funk.

I Know People

I do. I know people. Specifically (and much to my surprise) I am on a first name basis with folks down at our local professional sports team. Let me explain.

I receive 2-3 phone calls a year from the Local Pro Sports Team. Usually the calls go something like this:

Hello Kim! This is Marketing McSalesguy from your Local Pro Sports Team. I’m just calling to see if you might be interested in any of our season ticket packages we are offering right now. Give me a call at blah, blah, blah phone-number-cakes.

I don’t usually call back because we attend games as we can and buy tickets we can afford. I’d need to sell most of my organs to be able to afford season tickets and with said organs it might be kind of hard to enjoy the games.

Anywhoo … I got a call today that took my relationship with the Local Pro Sports Team to a whole new level. Apparently we are now on a first name basis. I didn’t know this, but after receiving this message, what else am I to assume:

Hey Kim. This is (My New Best Friend’s First Name Only) with the Local Pro Sports Team. Give me a call at (my-new-best-friend’s-number).

That was it. Short and to the point. Does he want to sell me tickets? Does he want me to sing the National Anthem? Does he want to offer me a job as assistant coach? I have no idea. But he is darn friendly that is for sure. I feel like calling him back and saying, “Hey! Dude! What is UP man? This is Kim!” and not saying anything else, just to see how he reacts. Then again, that would mean I would have to call him and then he’d try to sell me some shit and I’ll have to say no and … just way too much effort.

Still. It is good to know that I’m important enough to be on a first name basis with my Local Pro Sports Team. ‘Cause I know people. Well, more specifically, they know me.

Me! They know me!!!!!!

Eleven O’Clock … Where Have You Gone?

I have to say that there is one thing that I miss from my first couple of weeks post-surgery.  Insomnia.

Before my surgery I would never could have considered myself a night owl. I didn’t really stay up late technically, but I have always had a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep.  I just chalked it up to some good old fashioned insomnia, took a sleeping pill every now and then and lived my life.  I just needed it to be dark and quiet in the room and I got by.

Then I had my surgery.  After my surgery, I went for a couple weeks and didn’t sleep much.  I was staying up until close to 1:00 am, sometimes 2:00 or 3:00 am, and still waking up at a respectable time in the morning.  I was experiencing some serious and very real insomnia. Something that they say is a result of the anesthesia or whatever.  At that time it was an annoyance, because I was home from work, sitting around all day, and felt like I was wasting some serious sleeping and lying around time.  But even though I may have felt tired, I didn’t seem to want to sleep.  It pissed me off.

Then after a couple of weeks I found myself being more active during the day and I started getting tired again and my normal bedtime started creeping back into place.  Once I went back to work, by the time I had worked a full day and drove home, I’d be ready for bed around 8:00pm.  Hell, I probably could have easily slept from about 7:00 pm until I needed to get back up the next morning to get ready for work again.

And that is where I am now.  Still.  Today is 7 weeks post-op and I find myself sitting on my couch at 8:00 in the evening, ready to go to bed.  And getting up in the morning?  Whatever.  My body gets really angry with me every morning when that alarm goes off. The last thing I want to do is wake up.

It doesn’t help that work is insanely stressful and crazy and frustrating and, and, and (I seriously want go all Peter Gibbons and just not go back. Ever.) I also probably still have some residual tiredness from the surgery. My doctor told me at 6 weeks that I shouldn’t expect to have 100% energy just yet … but come on already. It is getting to be a little ridiculous and driving me effing batty. Never in my life did I expect to wish for insomnia. But, for now, it’s nearly 8:30 and I’m headed to bed.

Random Question of the Day

Because I think of weird crap like this sometimes.

(Disclaimer:  This question is PURELY hypothetical.  I swear to God.  But as I was showering this morning I thought …)

…. say you are a girl considering getting a bikini wax for the first time ever.  Is it better to a) trim up a little bit, b) trim up a lot, c) go in with a full pube-fro?

Which of those options would mean less pain for the wax-ee?

PS:  My new favorite word of the month:  Hooker.

If I call you a Hooker, it is a term of endearment.  Maybe.  Right Steph?

A Monday Pick Me Up

In honor of the fact that I’ve received two handfuls of phone calls already today that were either hospice agencies calling to tell me about patients of ours that have passed away, or patients themselves calling to tell me that they had horrible and painful and nauseous weekends … I need a smile.

So .. first go here and visit Karin.  She is a new friend of mine (well, she doesn’t know me from Adam, but I’m calling her a friend anyway because I like her) and she is recovering from surgery for her recently diagnosed lung cancer.  So please visit her and give her some love.  Positive thoughts and prayers work.  I swear.

After you have done that …. watch this.  If it doesn’t make you smile, there is something wrong with you.

Who Is This Person?

This will be my last (and only?) post surgery update or whateveryawannacallit.

Those who know me know that I was a miserable old bizatch before my surgery. I was having daily pain, which was making me stabby and mean and ugly and depressed and all kinds of other not-myelfish. I had read from other women with my condition (Adenomyosis) that many of my associated symptoms beyond the pain may go away with the surgery … and ya know what? They were right!!

I realized in about the fourth week after surgery, when people were asking me how I felt and such, that I had been primarly focusing on how I felt as it related to my surgery and recovery. I had not yet even thought about how I felt NOW compared to how I felt BEFORE.

Holy difference.

I have not had One. Single. Cramp. Not one. Or any other kind of abdominal pain like I was having on a daily basis. Also (TMI ALERT), all of the GI issues I was having (diarrhea, constipation, pain, rectal spasms, bladder spasms)? All that stuff? Gone. Like Clementine. Lost and gone forever.

I started back to work this week and was really dreading it because I was enjoying just chilling at home with the kids. (All those times I said I could “never be a stay at home mom, I’d be too bored” – total lie). But I have actually enjoyed being back at work. I’ve been tired, which was to be expected. But the veil of depression and horribleness that comes with chronic and daily pain has been lifted and I really began to realize that I am feeling like a whole new person.

So. A message to any women out there who happen to have Adenomyosis: HAVE THE SURGERY!!! You will be so happy you did. I can’t even explain the difference it has made for me. Honestly, having them take out my uterus was the best thing to happen to me in a while.

Also, if you are a health geek and nurse wannabe like me … make sure you get a copy of your operative report to read through. It is educational and very entertaining. For example, I discovered that I also had two fibroids and a cervical polyp. Good to know now that it is all outta me. Also I got to read phrases like: “… the uterus and cervicx was then delivered through the vagina without complication.” Apparently I gave birth to my own uterus and cervix. I read this as well, “… the contents of the abdominal cavity were pushed aside with the sponge …”

That is just classic, classic stuff.

Okay … enough of this. Bottom line: I’m basically recovered from surgery and feel better than ever. Yay me. Look out world!!

Friday Randomness

Today is my last week day off of my medical leave.  I have to go back to work on Monday and I really, really, REALLY don’t want to.   My last day at work before surgery I was certain that I’d be bored out of my mind and would be so ready to come back to work.  But I fell into the stay-at-home-mom thing pretty easily and I am enjoying being home with the kids.  If I were cleared for lifting and such and could really do some housework, I’d be plenty busy and would really never, ever want to go back to work.  But, we gotta eat, so I gotta go back to work on Monday.  Boo.

To offset the sadness of having to go back to the real world.  Here is an adorable picture of Minnie Mouse trying to fix my son’s ever out of control cowlick: