Recap

In an effort to condense the last three days, here is a recap of my surgery:

First, let’s recap The Plan:

• I was scheduled to go in on Wednesday morning and before my official “registration,” meet with a clinical trial coordinator about participating in a trial on a new pain medicine. After that, I would do the official registration and check in and then head through pre-op, etc., and eventually I’d have my surgery. A TLH (Total Laporoscopic Hysterectomy).

Now, let’s recap The What Really Happened:

• The first part went pretty much as planned. I got there, checked in, blah, blah, blah. I get to pre-op and they do the ECG and blood draw stuff for the clinical trial. The trial folks said they’d see me next in recovery. I head down to the next area, which I guess is pre-pre-op? I dunno, too many pre-ops. Anyway, there I talk to the anesthesiologist, get my IV started and all that good stuff. I get wheeled to surgery and drift off to sleep. My surgery is scheduled for Noon and I think that they actually started at just after Noon. The doctor said it would take about 3 hours for the procedure.

• I wake up in recovery and it is nearly 5:30. Clearly, this took longer than planned. I am waking up and having a LOT of pain. Holy shit pain. They give me a shot of Dilaudid and it doesn’t really help at all. So I get another and I think one more half dose after that. Finally I’m comfortable. I realize that the clinical trial people are not around. Then I overhear the nurses say something about my surgery having been changed from a TLH to a LAVH (Laparoscopically Assisted Vaginal Hysterectomy). I also overheard them say that the “poor thing” had lost some “significant” blood. Gotta love nurses who don’t realize that you are awake and can hear them talking about you.

• I get to my room and it took nearly an hour for them to get Dave to my room and I am pretty sure I asked him about what happened, but I don’t know if he even knew exactly. He said that the doctor said something about my not being eligible for the clinical trial and we decided it was a good thing, because that meant I would get to go home on Thursday.

• Eventually I found out that there was some bleeding issues (hence the “significant” blood loss). The attending physician told me that it seemed that an artery or something might have been knicked. I had some bleeding that was very low in the abdomen and near my bladder and intestine. They were not able to get to the source using the regular laporascopic tools, and that is why they switched to the other method. (Which, I still have not really figured out the exact difference). Changing from the TLH to the LAVH meant I no longer qualified for the clinical trial.

• Things went pretty well the rest of Wednesday. My pain was under pretty good control. Because of the switch during surgery, my doctor wanted my catheter left in until the next morning, then I would have it removed and once I peed on my own, I was free to go.

• Dave went to get the kids and I had a quick visit with them on Wednesday evening.

• I ate the worst turkey sandwich ever in the history of turkey sandwiches for dinner at about 9:45 Wednesday night.

• The next morning comes and they take my cath out. At this point, the clock is ticking. I have 6 hours to pee or they will have to do a straight cath on me, which is not fun and I don’t want. So, I drink two giant jugs of water and try my luck in the bathroom. Nothing. I walk around a little bit and drink some more water and still nothing. Dave goes to get me some juice and hot tea and still nothing.

• They do the cath on me and I’m on the clock again. I have a few hours again to try and again, I get nothing. At this point, it is almost 7:00 on Thursday night. The resident comes in to check on me again to chat about my peeing issues. It is looking like I will not get to go home tonight. I clearly can’t leave if I can’t pee.

• And then I started to totally tank. They bring my dinner, which is some pasta dish and some Wedding soup. The smell makes me nauseous. Determined to pee, I’m still drinking a shit ton of water. I get up to try one more time and the saliva factory starts and now I’m pretty sure I’m gonna puke. I get a little dizzy and make my way to the bathroom. I sit down and pull the trash can over. I have a few dry heaves but thankfuly nothing comes out. And I still don’t pee.

• At this point I’m feeling REALLY horrible. I’m shaking uncontrollably and the nurse comes in to do the cath again. I’m a disaster and shaking and crying and totally losing it. She can’t get the freaking cath in, which is not helping at all. She finishes gives me more pain meds and goes to call the doctor. The new plan is that I’ll keep trying. If I do manage to pee, I still must have the cath done, to make sure that I was able to empty completely on my own. This is gonna be a fantastic evening.

• I finally pee a little, and she does the cath and I’m empty. I’m feeling better and looking better and she manages to convince the doctor to hold off on the caths as long as I’m producing a “good amount” of urine. Which I am proud to say I manage to do all night long. I also have managed to fart a couple of times, which is the other big milestone that must be reached before I can go home.

• The rest of the night goes very well. My nurse rocks and makes sure I have my pain meds every four hours on the nose. I’m able to get a decent amount of rest and I keep peeing all night long.

• I get the word from the doctor that I’ll get to go home sometime Friday morning, which means I went home right around 1:00. I went from best nurse ever overnight to the worst nurse ever on Friday morning. She was just tacky and stupid and classless and drove me nuts. If you have ever watched My Name Is Earl … she was EXACTLY like the prostitute character on that show. Exactly.

The rest of Friday was pretty much a wash. I was exhausted and spend the evening doing a whole lot of nothing. I’m feeling better today. The pain isn’t too bad (the gas pains are the worst really) and I’m eating a little. I’ve had a couple Diet Cokes, which probably aren’t the best for me, but I really don’t care because they taste awesome. Oh, and the York Peppermint Patties … yummy. I plan to spend the rest of this weekend doing a lot of catching up on my DVR and hopefully doing some blogging. God knows I have plenty of stuff to read on my Google Reader, so I might even shock the world with some comments.

For now, it is time for pain meds and a nap.